Getting Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety

***Disclaimer: This post represents my own experiences and viewpoints and should be noted that they are not credited as professional medical diagnostics or treatments for mental and emotional illnesses. That being said, my opinions and history with said illnesses have been the result of almost 20 years of personal experience as a patient of many qualified doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and interaction and discussion with others who struggle with similar illnesses***

"When my therapist told me, I was honestly relieved."

A dank and cold room, with a walnut desk between me and the therapist. I wasn't new to the idea of talking about my thoughts and feelings, but of course being mandated by a court to go to therapy wasn't a thrilling idea either, especially as an eleven-year-old kid. 

"Josh, I think you have depression. From what you've described to me and in talking to your mom, I think it's fairly evident that your ups and downs in life probably feel a lot more drastic than they do for the average person."

I just sat there kind of dumb-founded, not really knowing how to take in this new revelation. I mean I had been seeing this psychiatrist for several months at this point and in the whirlwind of my parents' divorce, I wondered if all of this, the therapy and a diagnosis, was just some other label that someone could slap on my situation to make things easier for everyone else involved. Yet at the same time, when my therapist told me, I was honestly relieved.

Sometimes I feel like getting diagnosed was the best thing that could've happened to me. It's like being a new parent and your newborn is screaming their head off, even when you try feeding them, changing their diaper, giving them a bath, etc., and nothing alleviates their fussiness. What makes this situation is that the baby can't communicate with you about what is wrong. So naturally you take them to the doctor and the doctor realizes that your kid is just constipated and probably just needs some stool softener. Low and behold, the crying dies down over the next couple of days, and you are relieved that at least you know what the problem is the next time you run into a similar situation.

The same could be said about any chronic issue that goes unidentified: It's difficult to have to constantly deal with the issues at hand because you find yourself frustrated with the symptoms interrupting your daily life. Additionally, it takes some of the blame off of yourself. 

Now you can say, "Well I feel really bummed about life, more than most people do, and that's okay. There is literally a problem with the way my neurotransmitters work. It's not just in my head."

That has to be one of the most liberating conclusions to come to, especially for someone who struggles with mental illness, as your thoughts are probably jumbled enough as it is.

For me, getting diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and later with Generalized Anxiety was honestly one of the best things that could have happened to me. Since that day, I've been super open about my struggles with mental illness. It has helped me to be more sympathetic with myself and also empathetic with others. I'll admit that on bad days, I wish I didn't have this illness, but I'm honestly glad that as I've embraced my lot in life, I've not only been able to better my own life, but hopefully  bettered the lives of others around me.

JNorrington is a variety streamer on Twitch. When he's not streaming video games, he's usually wrangling his two-year-old twins or giving his long-winded opinion on movies.